perfection does not exist

By: Amy Carrico
Author of Making the Moments Matter Blog

You see the photo online. This lady’s family is sitting around a perfectly decorated table with a made-from-scratch meal, matching attire, and beautiful smiles. As your gaze makes its way from the phone in your hand, you see it. Your house is a mess. You have pizza rolls coming out of the oven with some Kraft Mac and Cheese finishing up on the stove. Your kids are wearing “who knows what” and you finally get to sit down just in time for the dog to need to go outside. You look at your current situation and wonder what you could be doing wrong.

This is where the enemy has many of us stuck. We look at this perfect picture world and we think that is our standard of parenting. My kids must act perfectly. My parenting must look this way. We all want to be the perfect mother. Today, more than ever, we have expectations coming from sources all around us. As mothers, we feel like we need to have the best-behaved children, cleanest house, and nightly home-cooked meals, all the while, being crafty. However, we do not have to always be “Pinterest perfect” to be used by God as a mother.

And so, we usually fall into one of three categories:
1. We act like we have it all together and don’t want anyone to know our struggles. (My kid would never do that. You know what you should do with your kid. I can’t believe so and so let their kid do that.)
2. We act like we don’t have anything together and we really don’t know what to do with our kids. (Whew, my kid is so bad. I just don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss. Why is that kid over there so perfect?)
3. We don’t want to say anything about our family because we haven’t “arrived” yet and we don’t really know how this is going to turn out. (My kid is a toddler so who am I to give advice on parenting teenagers? I don’t know how tomorrow is going to turn out.)

And so, what do we do? We live in isolation. And you know who loves isolation? The enemy. I think Satan has had a hayday with all the isolation that has developed over recent years. He is happy because we have all been trying to fight our battles alone.

No prayer warriors. No accountability. No sounding boards. Alone.

In 2 Corinthians 10:12, Paul writes about comparison and how it steals.

“Oh, don’t worry; we wouldn’t dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are! But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement. How ignorant!”

Paul is writing to those at Corinth about his authority in Christ. He says basically, “Listen, I’m not going to compare myself to others because I can always find people worse than me or better than me. I am comparing myself to what God has called me to.” We can always make ourselves feel as bad or as good as we want by comparing ourselves to others. If I want to feel bad about my outward appearance then I scroll and look at these cross fit social media pages or new weight loss techniques, and if I want to feel good about myself then I just go to the Pizza Inn buffet. In either place I can compare myself and tear down or build myself up, but either place is not a true representation of where I am in my health journey.

“Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless–like chasing the wind.” Ecclesiastes 4:4

We are motivated for success due to envy of others.

Perfect moms don’t exist.

Genesis 27; Matthew 20:20-23

The perfection we see online does not exist. People don’t place their bad moments online for others to see and so we gain a false perspective and begin to rate ourselves based on the seen actions of others. There will be times where we have bad moments, but as Lysa TerKeurst stated, “Bad moments don’t make bad mommas.”

Even in biblical times there were examples of mothers who had some of the best intentions, but acted in ways that were not perfect. Rebekah planted the idea for her younger son Jacob to steal Esau’s blessing. She created a huge scheme and chose her younger son over her older son. But perfect moms love all their children equally, right? James and John’s mother had the audacity to come to Christ to request the favor of allowing her sons to sit on the right and left hand side of Him in heaven. Some moms will do anything for their kids! There are many other examples throughout Scripture that
God has placed in our path to show us that perfection in motherhood does not exist. Perfect kids don’t exist.

Romans 3:23; Proverbs 22:6; Genesis 4
Another huge worry as a mother is that our children need to be perfect, but perfect kids don’t exist. Our children are born sinners and our children will sin. With this in mind, we don’t totally give up as mothers and let them run their own course, but we cannot allow the mistakes of our children to control our self-worth. We are to train up our children for the pursuit of godliness and lead them in a way that promotes faith. Ultimately, however, we must trust God with the results. Just as we have been shown amazing grace by Christ, we must show the same to our children. We don’t love our children because of their performance, but because of their position as our child. Eve must have dealt with this as a parent as she raised Cain and Abel under the same “roof.” Both children received similar upbringings, but one turned out drastically different from the other. Can you imagine the anguish she must have felt as a parent when she learned that her oldest child had murdered her youngest because of a more acceptable offering? Eve surely second-guessed herself and her actions as a mother as many of us would. As parents we must realize that while our job is to lead our children, in finality it must be their faith that carries them through and our trust in God to continue them on the correct path.

Put the Word above our Worries
Matthew 6:34
One of the biggest obstacles that most moms face is worry. We worry about the present: Are we raising our kids correctly? We worry about the future: Will my kids turn out alright? We worry about their physical health, emotional status, and worldly success. With so much worry, we can many times get bogged down in the world and miss the gift that God has given us to help us: His Word. How many of us check Facebook, Twitter, or Pinterest more often than the Bible when it comes to ideas for
how to raise our children? We cannot depend on the guidance of this world to produce children who honor and love God.

Partner with Other Christian Mothers
Galatians 6:2
One thing is for sure, we all need help and we all need guidance when it comes to motherhood. Many times, we are scared to ask questions to others as we feel like it will expose our inadequacy as a parent. The important thing is to not feel like you cannot share your frustrations, your questions, and your inadequacies with others. Receive the advice, weigh it out for your situation, and decide. The biggest thing is to be real and not feel like you have to have it all together. Find friends who have children much farther down the road than yours, so you can learn from their wisdom in raising children.

Find friends who have children of similar age so you can share in the joys and frustrations of the stage you are in. And find people a little behind you in parenting that you can be there for, when they have questions and struggles.

Comparison kills. Perfection does not exist. We can either destroy ourselves trying to attain something that is not attainable or we can rest in the identity and calling that our Creator has given us. We can measure ourselves by what He has called us to. We can grow in our relationship with Him and ultimately grow in our relationship with others. We can live in the freedom that God has paid the price for our imperfections and our impact depends solely on our dependence on Him. We can be transparent with others and share our burdens so they in turn will share theirs. We can let go of the unrealistic expectations and pursue God with reckless abandon, knowing that He is the only one who can truly empower us as mothers and change the lives of our children. 

Last Updated on November 13, 2023