My New Normal and the Quest for Balance

 

In March of 2007, I made a move that would change the course of my life. I got married and moved to a new town, not knowing anyone but my soon-to-be husband’s family {and still fairly new to them!}. It was his hometown, and he had a good job, so it made sense for me to move. I was nervous. I was leaving my family “for good”. I had lived away from them during college, but it never felt like the real deal. I knew I could always go “home” anytime, and I could start my life there at any given time. To make the move to a new place for good was frightening. I cried many nights, worried about how I would adapt to my new town and all of the changes taking place. I was 22 years old, so it wasn’t like I had life all figured out {although I am sure my mom would have said I sure did act like it!}. Rewind to the month before {February of 2007} and you would find me starting a brand new job in this new town. Let me tell you, I was making every new change all at once, and on some days, I was a complete wreck.

Thank GOD for always knowing what is best and who you need the most at each moment in life. Because of Him and His guidance, this “job” that I took became not only my job but my home. I looked forward to work each day. I loved the work I was doing, but more than that- I loved the people. I felt so blessed. They took me in as their own, loved me like a daughter, saw me through some very difficult times and set me in my place when I needed to be. There is not a greater group of people out there. At that time in my life, I thought that would be where I would retire, where I would grow older and wiser and make my “mark”. In my 22 year old mind, I had it all figured out.

Fast forward a few years to the Spring of 2015, pretty much a year ago today. My heart was changing. It was changing fast. God was working on me in an area that I had kept Him at bay. He was prompting me to follow some dreams that I had put on the back burner, but more than that, He was prompting me to make a move that was far scarier than the move that I made to Mayfield, KY and West KY Rural Electric. He was prompting my heart to become a stay at home mom. Let me be totally real with you {something I ALWAYS am…}. This was not something that I wanted to give my full consideration to at the time that I could feel His prompting. You see, I loved my job. At this point, I had been there a little over 8 years and I knew what I was doing. I honestly felt like I was doing a good job, and there were lots of exciting changes coming that would pretty much affect me directly, which was fun and scary all at the same time. To leave the security of my work environment and the money that it provided for our family, as well as 2 retirements? Well, that was just not something I was fully ready to think about. But…as the Lord does, He kept prompting. Every so often, my heart would feel so heavy that I just KNEW I had to do something. I would push it aside. It would happen again. This went on for a few months. The thought of being home with my kids each day and sharing in their lives in the ordinary, daily moments made me want to drop everything right at that moment…but as you know, things are not always that cut and dry…and they are usually not always that easy. I still needed time. I just wasn’t fully ready. Within this time, I had started a little ole blog called Re-Fabbed! THIS was the dream that I had put on the back burner for years…my dream of blogging about home decor and DIY projects and pursuing a career path in decorating for others. While I loved my job, this was truly what I loved to do. It is what made me tick. It was something that, although I knew in my heart I could do, I would never believe in myself fully to do…until a little later. When my blog was up and running…and I could see how much the Lord was beginning to bless it, I began to understand in my heart that He was molding things in a way that would enable me to finally give in to His will. {WHY do we put off doing His will?! He always knows best, and His plan is always better than ours!}

So, after about 5 months of blogging and countless talks with my husband about the ins and outs, I put in my notice at work. Let me say this- my husband has been so supportive. He has stood by me and believed in me. I am so thankful for that. This notice to my workplace was in October of 2015. Some of the people were shocked, and others couldn’t believe that it didn’t come sooner {the ones who knew me the very best and knew my heart’s desires}. When it was out there, it became even more scary. Was I making a mistake? Was I going to be a good Mom? You know, would my kids even like me when they were with me ALL DAY everyday? You really do think about those things. At least I did. Would I be able to continue running the blog up to par, the way I desired, but still give my kids the time and effort they deserved during the day? Would I be able to give my husband the attention he needed and deserved?  Would anyone truly want me to come decorate for them? I mean, sure…people have asked me along the way and always told me I should- but when it came down to it, would anyone REALLY do it? What would our families think about our decision? Would they understand and support us? These are all questions and concerns that swirled in my head, but ultimately, despite the questions…there was peace. There was an undeniable peace that has passed all understanding. It is something that only comes when you are truly doing the will of God. That is what made me know that I was…and that, even though there were still some unanswered questions, the Lord had it in His hands…and there was nowhere else I would rather it be.

So, I said goodbye to my co-workers and my other home on December 30 of 2015, and it was very emotional. I cried many tears that day…and even people who weren’t working that day came to say goodbye to me. I felt so loved and cared for, and I knew that I had been a part of something amazing. I had made some true friends that would never be replaced. I still miss them each day. I had so many laughs and good times. I even shared tears with them during my hard times and during theirs. The Lord blessed my days there, and I will never cease to thank Him for that. But, it was time for a new start. It was time for something that I could truly only dream. It was time for me to come home, my very favorite place. It was time for me to wake up each day with a new purpose- to give my full attention to the 2 awesome kiddos that the Lord provided for me, despite years of wondering if He ever would. It was time for me to be the nap giver and poopy wiper. It was time for me to understand a new way of life- a slower paced life that I needed. It was time for me to have playtime in the middle of the day, watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse until I can quote each episode by heart, explain everything under the sun all day every day, clean up more crumbs than the law could possibly allow, watch lots of numerous dress up games, put lip gloss on a sweet 4 year old every couple of hours, bathe with a little boy standing over the bath tub just because he couldn’t bear to leave my side, play farm, give snacks {who knew a 2 and 4 year old ate so much!}, get play dough out of the carpet more times than I can count, try to do projects and blog work during naps that I hope they take, receive countless kisses and hugs, and get to know these little angels on a whole new level. I have seen their best moments, along with their worst, and they have seen mine.

Every day we start fresh, trying to be better than we were the day before. Every day, I learn something more. I have learned that being home everyday has more challenges than I had ever realized, but they are challenges that I would not trade for anything. Sure, there are days that I am so frazzled, my husband thinks I have lost my mind, and I think I have as well!! Some days I am hanging on by a thread because my nerves could not be any more shot. Some days, I feel like I have it down pat. Those days seem to be rare! ha. Most days, I am winging everything. I am waking up each day with the hopes that I can make a difference in these babies lives…and that somehow, I can make a difference in others lives through this blog and my business. Each day is new, and each day is different. I am working hard to be the best that I can be at all that my new life has for me, no matter what that may be. I am staying busy with these toddlers and their crazy ways! I am staying busy with my projects, my home and my business. I have had the opportunity to decorate many beautiful homes, and I can’t even begin to describe my happiness that I would be able to do what I have always dreamed. In all honesty, this adjustment has been very hard. I feel like there have been days that I have failed. I feel like there have been days when I have dedicated too much time to my work and not enough to my kids. I have also had days when I didn’t get any work done. It is all such a balance. It is a balance that I am not quite used to, but I am learning.  This balance is sometimes really lopsided! Sometimes I fall off the scale. But, nevertheless, I am doing what I love, with WHO I love…and who could ask for more?

 

 

 

Last Updated on March 2, 2016