Mother’s Day is the third largest retail holiday in the U.S., according to the National Retail Federation. It is a holiday that is celebrated by more than 85 MILLION mothers in the United States alone, and it accounts for over 20 BILLION dollars in sales.
While many go on about this day with not much thought, other than celebrating their own mothers or their children, there is a special group of women that feel completely isolated on this day. With over 85 million mothers celebrating this holiday, this special woman feels that much more inadequate. This special woman feels even more of the weight of her inability to become a mother. This special woman is the woman who desires to become a mother with everything inside of her, but she has not been afforded that opportunity just yet.
This special woman desires to feel the snuggles of her own baby and to hear the words, “I love you, Mama”. This special woman yearns to help tie tennis shoes and help her child learn to ride a bike. She yearns to be able to wake up in the middle of the the night to console her crying baby, who just needs her sweet whispers. This special woman just yearns to be a mother.
She knows that being a mother comes in all forms. She knows that even if the Lord doesn’t bless her with the ability to conceive herself, she can be just the same mother through adoption or fostering…and while she would give her all for those children, she still hopes and prays that the Lord will provide for her. She almost feels selfish for feeling so engulfed in her grief. She feels like she is alone and that there is nobody out there on this day that even goes through the same daily struggles that she does. Everywhere she looks, there are mothers with their children celebrating and laughing. She even sees mothers that completely disregard those children that God did give them, and she grieves more.
Her heart is so heavy on this day, although she knows that she is blessed. Yes, she does know that. It isn’t necessary to continue telling her. She is very aware, but her grief is real. Her heart hurts. Mother’s Day is hard. Maybe it shouldn’t be, but it is. She was indeed blessed with an amazing mom that deserves all of the accolades and admiration of this day, but in her own anguish, sometimes it is just hard to truly give on this day. That brings forth a whole new level of guilt. That isn’t fair of her. Her mother has given her everything, yet she is struggling so bad to even overcome her own heartache to even give her what she deserves.
This day is just a day, yet it is so much more. It is a day that is all based around the one thing that so many women think will just happen as soon as they are ready. They never dream that they may be that statistic that simply “can’t”. They spent years drawing out their children’s names and dreaming of what they would be like, only to face the cold hard truth that it may never be a reality. This day is just a day, until it isn’t. This day is a day that, when you are in the thick of it, you just want to be over. You just want to go back to your “normal” where you aren’t bombarded with the fact that you can’t stand in a church service when they ask for all mothers to stand. You can’t pick your child up from the nursery and get those special little thumb print flowers that say “Happy Mother’s Day”. Right now, all of this is too much. It is too real and raw to you. You wish you could smile and pretend that you are just fine, but on the inside you are dying.
To so many, these thoughts and feelings are completely foreign. They can’t even begin to understand how anyone would feel such grief over this. But, when you have been there and experienced it yourself for many years, you have a whole new understanding and appreciation for these special women. You know that God placed you in those circumstances so that you can write this post to tell these women that they are NOT alone. There are many more women feeling these EXACT same things. You want them to understand and fill their heart with the knowing God bottles up their tears and He hears their prayers. At times, it can feel as though He doesn’t, but listen to me…He does. His timing is not ours, but it is better.
On this day after Mother’s Day, I remember all too well those feelings of “relief”. It is a feeling of comfort, knowing that we can breathe a little better today. We can move on with our normal and just keep on living and not having to turn every corner, faced with the reminder that we are not where we wish we were.
But listen, sweet women. God has you here for a reason. He knows what is best, and He will provide that for you in due time. On this day after Mother’s Day, lift your head. Wipe your tears. Pray for strength. But most of all, TRUST that He knows your heart. He loves you. He will provide.
My love and my heart goes out to you, for I was you.
Last Updated on July 5, 2018
Thank you sweet Brooke.
This woman is me. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a wife and a mother. It took longer than expected to find my husband, and after that I truly believed I would be able to get pregnant when we decided the time was right. God wouldn’t make me wait until I was 36 to get married, and then also not be able to get pregnant, right? There’s no way anyone would have to go through BOTH of those impossible trials. But 20 months later, here we are. No baby, and no real explanation why. I’m 38, and the fear that it may never happen for me is very real. And no, “just adopt” is not the answer. “Relax and it will happen when you least expect it” is not the answer. “Have faith and it will happen when it’s supposed to” is not the answer. It’s heartache that replays itself over and over, month after month, and only other women who have been through it can understand how it messes with every aspect of your life.
I would love to hear more of your story. It gives me hope to hear about other women who experience what I’m going through and then were blessed with their miracle. Thanks for understanding what an accomplishment it feels like to survive a single day.
I know you are building your forever home, and as many say “New House New Baby”! It will happen, just don’t think about it and relax.
Thank You Susan. We are not trying anymore. We have 2 kids (ages 5 & 7) -this post was just remembering how it felt and trying to help other women through it….
Susan, “just don’t think about it and relax” is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a woman dealing with infertility. If you haven’t been through it yourself and don’t know what it feels like, please don’t offer advice.